Good Advice By Me

This is some advice I thought was pretty good.  One of my best friends Josie was very very stressed about our AP US History final (she was taking it the next day, I was taking it three days later).  Now, if you have ever been in high school and taken a US history course, multiply it by 9,000000000 (with commas, of course).  If you were (or are) ever so fortunate to take  the AP US class, then multiply it by...eh, maybe 104.  Mr Fauver is hard as rusty nails (though on the inside I believe he is soft as a cotton ball).  Anyway, she was freaking out about this test so I sent her this text.  I'm sorry if it offends anyone but I definitely believe this is true.  And I made her laugh. So there.

Don't forget watermelon*! Also my mom said blueberries help, too! And cucumbers help you concentrate*!  We don't have to do letters* this week but I'm going to try and write a de-stress letter for you in marine bio (though I should pay attention) and it'll be awesome!  Ok anyway you're going to do SO awesome and even if you do get a 70 percent on the test you'll still have a B in the class (weighted by colleges, at least) and anyway, who the eff will care like ten years from now, honestly, if you really think about it, friends are the only thing you get out of high school...and blow jobs if you're a guy, because even terrible poop-excuse-for-a guy guys get blow jobs in high school.
You are awesome and cool even if you don't get a good grade on the final (thank god for the both of us because you know I will be getting a lower grade than you).
YOU ARE AWESOME!!- Em

*Watermelon is supposedly good for your memory, and you can bet your cat that we're going to need that for APUSH
*I might have made that one up to make her feel better, but maybe she'll eat a whole lot of cucumbers and go all Ron Weasley quidditch match on that test
*Josie and I have decided to start writing little letters to each other during classes (I write in the morning, give the letter for her to respond to at lunch and then she gives it back the next day)  I usually write a full page and she does doodles and songs and I am so looking forward to looking back on them years and years from now and then show them to my kids and say, hey guys, this was one of the best friends I ever had (besides Nikki, Adriana and Alex of course) and they'll say, you guys were so cool.  And I'll say, no, we really weren't.  But that'll be fine.